ravings of a lunatic: This is not rocket science

This is not rocket science

Föstudagur, 16. júní 2006

"Does Romance Have A Place In Dating?"

You've probably noticed that I don't talk about the idea of "romance" very often.

There's a good reason for this.

I think that most guys use romance in completely the wrong way, and in the process screw up their chances with the woman that they are interested in.

I'm going to take some time here to talk about my personal perspective on romance, how it is misused, and how to use it to really make a woman feel attracted to you.

Most guys make one of two main mistakes when trying to be "romantic":

1) They try to use romance to CREATE attraction.

2) They use TOO MUCH romance, thinking that more must be better.

Let me ask you this... What does romance mean to you?

I'm serious. Think about it for a minute.

Does romance mean gifts and flower?

Does it mean fancy dinners?

Does it mean candles and soft music?

To me, romance is about showing a softer side of yourself... a more thoughtful side... in a way that is meant to INCREASE the woman's attraction for you.

Like I just mentioned, most guys either try to use romance to CREATE attraction, or they do too many things in an attempt to "be romantic", and the effect is lost.

Here's a quiz:

In general, would a woman think you were more romantic if you:

1) Brought her red roses every time you saw her.

2) Brought her one flower the fourth time you saw her, but it was her favorite flower, in her favorite color.

...???

Here's another one...

In general, would a woman think you were more romantic if you:

1) Took her to a fancy dinner every time you saw her.

2) Didn't take her to dinner, but one night cooked her a favorite dish that your mom taught you and told her the story of how it came to be a family favorite?

Do you see where I'm going with these examples?

"Romance" is all about the context of the situation. In other words, little things that are thoughtful, used once in awhile will make FAR more of an impact than trying to do everything you possibly can all the time.

Have you ever seen a T. V. show or movie with a girl holding a flower, pulling off each petal one at a time and saying, "He loves me, he loves me not"?

This is a famous cliche... even Madonna does it in her old "Truth or Dare" movie.

What's going on here? And why is it now such a famous idea that it is almost universally known?

Because it strikes a chord inside of women everywhere! Every woman can relate to the idea of thinking about a man and wondering if he's thinking about her.

Pulling petals off of a flower and saying, "He loves me, he loves me not", is just another way of saying, "I can't stop thinking about this guy and I'm going to keep thinking about him until I know how he feels."

I think that it's important to CREATE this kind of situation as much as humanly possible.

Now, here's where romance fits into the puzzle... If you're doing things that you consider to be "romantic" all the time, then she has nothing to wonder about... nothing to think about... there is no challenge or mystery at all.

On the other hand, if you use romance more carefully and keep her on the edge of her seat, so to speak, then a small romantic gesture will cause her to feel GREAT feelings of attraction inside... and cause her to work even harder to get and keep your attention - BECAUSE SHE'LL TRY HARDER TO GET MORE OUT OF THIS ROMANTIC SIDE OF YOU!

So what are some things you can do, that women see as romantic, without going overboard?

Well, if you want to do the typical things like flowers, gifts, music, poetry, etc. then do as I said earlier: Use them VERY infrequently. And make sure to stay cool when the emotional reaction comes!

She's probably going to be very happy and want to know "where that came from." Just tell her that you were thinking about her and move on to the next topic. Don't get all mushy, dude.

(Aha, nákvæmlega. Vera frummaður en ekki gera lítið úr því heldur - þá er betra að sleppa því bara.)

By the way, if you've gone out with a woman 47 times, and you don't know if she likes you, and you're now thinking, "Oh, hey... great idea! I'll buy her a flower and she'll feel attracted to me..." then get a new idea.

Romance is not the way to make a woman feel attracted to you.

Romance is a way to AMPLIFY attraction that is already happening.

Read that last part again...

DON'T TRY TO MAKE A WOMAN FEEL ATTRACTED TO YOU WITH ROMANCE!

(grínlaust strákar)

Attraction is created by factors other than gifts, dinners, flowers, etc.

If she's not feeling attracted to you, then showing her that you're attracted to her probably isn't going to change it... in fact, it may just push her away.

Earlier I mentioned a couple of great ideas. You can cook her a special meal that has meaning... and tell the story behind it. Stories are romantic, especially if the story contains a love story.

And small gifts can be romantic as well.

If you pay attention, a woman will mention something that she really likes. It could be a kind of flower, a kind of music, an author, etc. If you want to be romantic (after you know that she's attracted to you) you can get something thoughtful then write a card that says, "I was thinking about you, and I found this... thought you would like it."

Use romance as the spice, and not the main dish.

Use it to amplify, not as your main strategy.

| anna | 13:38 |