An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Gamall maður bjó einn í Þykkvabænum. Hann langaði til þess að stinga upp kartöflugarðinn en það var of mikil erfiðisvinna fyrir hann. Sonur hans, Bubbi, var sá sem hjálpaði honum venjulega en Bubbi sat á Hrauninu. Gamli skrifaði honum bréf og sagði honum frá vandræðum sínum:

"Elsku Bubbi minn. Mér líður hálf-illa því það lítur út fyrir að ég geti ekki sett neinar kartöflur niður í garðinn þetta árið. Ég er að verða of gamall til þess að stinga upp beðin. Ef þú værir hérna ætti ég ekki í neinum vandræðum því ég veit að þú mundir stinga upp beðin fyrir mig. Áttu von á helgarleyfi bráðlega?
Kær kveðja elsku sonur, pabbi."

Eftir örfáa daga, fékk hann bréf frá syni sínum:
"Elsku Pabbi Í GUÐANNA BÆNUM EKKI STINGA UPP GARÐINN!
Ég gróf dópið og byssurnar þar!
Þinn Bubbi. "

Í birtingu morguninn eftir komu hópar lögregluþjóna frá embætti Ríkislögreglustjóra og Selfosslögreglunni og umbyltu öllum beðunum, en fundu hvorki dóp né byssur. Þeir báðu gamla manninn afsökunar og hurfu á braut.

Sama daginn fékk hann annað bréf frá syninum:
Elsku pabbi. Við núverandi aðstæður gat ég ekki gert betur.
Þinn elskandi sonur Bubbi.

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare.

"Parlare Italiano?" No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, "Y' know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."

"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."